“I ruined Ben’s first attempt to propose to me by getting my first job as a teacher,” says Cait Kneller, also a writer and illustrator (and former fashion model) from Auckland. “We had to give up our hut reservations on the Milford Track. Our parents waited with bated breath for months while he waited for another chance. Then, one Saturday, he told me he was going to make me a special lunch."

He’d forgotten Valentine’s Day the week before, and Cait assumed this was a bid for forgiveness. "I didn’t suspect a thing until he called me downstairs and told me to bring the cat treats. I knew instantly: there was an engagement ring tied around our cat’s neck.

“Ben chose my engagement ring, and I have never felt so known. It’s a green, emerald-cut sapphire on a gold band with a melted texture, made by his friend Welfe Bowyer.” 

Cait and Ben Claasen, a graphic designer, had been together for about five years before getting engaged. Until then, marriage hadn’t really been top of mind. 

“I didn’t always think I would get married,” says Kneller. “I didn’t understand what marriage was for. Now I believe it symbolises our dedication to one another. Even though we’re not religious, the vow we made feels bigger than us in a pleasantly spooky way. We'll always have each other’s dreams and best interests at heart, by hook or by crook.”

Looking at the photos from Cait and Ben’s wedding, it’s clear they both share a strong sense of style. While they had no grand plan or vision, they knew they wanted their wedding day to honour all of their favourite things. And favourite people - even if that meant the guest list grew to 100.

It all started with the church, Kneller says. “I’d seen a book about the old churches of Northland, as well as Fiona Jack’s book Living Halls. I trawled through images of War Memorial Halls and churches (most of which, respectively, were very far away or wouldn’t host a secular ceremony). Then I found the old Pakiri Chapel. It’s adorable and gothic, carefully preserved by the local community. It represented some of the ideals that first brought us together as a couple. It was the first and only venue we looked at.”

With the bare-bones chapel secured, they took a mostly DIY approach to fitting it out. “Benny and I like to make things so, initially, we tried to save money and do as much as we could by ourselves. We were very naive. The church was very cheap to rent, but we had to truck all sorts of furniture and glassware from Auckland to Pakiri. Our florist Mel at Cecilia Fox did an amazing job of the flowers, without any input from us on the day,” says Kneller.

“The rest of the decor was handmade or brought from home - we hung paintings from our house around the church and hall. Ben made one hundred screen-printed pennants with our initials on them, and my bridesmaid Hilary helped to bind them all with ribbon. He also hand-painted a ceramic coaster for each of our guests, featuring their name in a gothic script. I made a banner from satin ribbon that hung behind us in the church.”

With her local fashion industry connections, Cait fully embraced the fun of planning her bridal looks, choosing two different dresses. “The first was a heavy satin mini dress. I thought I had been inspired by Sharon Tate’s wedding dress (pretty hectic juju there) and Audrey Hepburn’s costumes in War and Peace. These were the references I took to my friend Petra at Benton The Label. In the end when we had sketched and tweaked and fitted the final look, I realised I was recreating my mum’s wedding dress from 1992.”

Honouring the War and Peace reference, Cait wore big, sparkly flower earrings with pearl drops by Jennifer Behr. “I also wore vintage crocheted gloves from Hunt and Foster and deadstock crocheted thigh-high stockings from Mary Quant under cream Lola Cruz boots. I chose a kitten heel because I had visions of rolling my ankle as I walked down the aisle.

“The second dress was made by Ukraine label Office Seven, with huge puff sleeves and a corset bodice that took two bridesmaids to lace me into. I changed into silver ballet flats with a square toe. I had found a perfect pair on Over the Moon, then scaled back my expectations until my budget and I found ourselves at Cotton On. They were extremely comfortable and I didn’t feel bad about wearing them to stomp around a paddock. Given that they disintegrated into dust after 10 more wears, you could also argue that they were environmentally friendly (just kidding!).”

Ben wore a tuxedo borrowed from his best man, Roman. “He and all the groomsmen wore western bow ties I originally made for Roman’s wedding, when Ben and I first got together. For some reason beyond our comprehension, the boys forgot to take their sunglasses off in the church. I will be seeking retribution.”

After spending countless hours online looking at every silk slip, Cait was proud of the dresses she found for her bridesmaids, even a little jealous. “Finding a Travelling Pants-style dress that four different women would like is daunting. I eventually found a website out of Sweden called Peiliee. The dresses reminded me of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon if he was a bridesmaid at that wedding from The Godfather. Everyone told me (convincingly) that they liked them.”

When it came to bridal beauty, Cait also let herself (and her bridesmaids) indulge. “I go almost everywhere in jeans and damp hair, so it was fun to lean into an extremely high-maintenance fantasy,” she says. Getting ready together in the morning at an Airbnb in Mangawhai, Cait had Phillippa Hofman from Colleen on hair duty, and Lara Daly (editor's note: the writer of this piece!) on makeup. 

“I’d just seen Priscilla and knew I wanted a bit of height, but I also wanted to feel like myself. Philly found a perfect balance and it looked awesome all night, even after an outfit change, a motorcycle ride and several margaritas. She also did a show stopping beehive on my bridesmaid Crystal despite never having attempted one before (?!)."

"I trusted Lara to do something different from the traditional bridal look and make it look cool and flattering. We drew on Sharon Tate again, with a pale green eyeshadow and thick lashes. I don’t remember if I wore a fragrance. I was broke at this point. I smelled like apple shampoo from the Mangawhai Four Square," says Kneller.

“I wore a handkerchief veil trimmed with pearls from Ofrenda Studio for the ceremony, then swapped it out for a long hair bow I made myself. The bridesmaids had bouquets each made from one of the flowers that were included in my own. I also need to thank my brother-in-law, James, for delivering the flowers to us at the last minute after Dad put them down in his garage and then forgot they existed.”

Bouquets in hands, the bridal party piled into vintage Mustangs and headed to Pakiri in the blazing afternoon sun, as guests arrived on buses and motorbikes and crammed into the church. 

The bride made a fitting entrance, walking down the aisle to Down to the River to Pray - one of Ben’s favourite songs from the film Oh Brother, Where Art Thou. “Even though every wedding blog recommends you take photos together before the ceremony, we embraced the tradition of seeing each other for the first time at the ceremony. It was dramatic and romantic, and a highlight of the day for both of us.”

The couple had asked one of their best friends, Olly, to register as a celebrant and conduct the ceremony. “He was wonderful, and I’m sure we haven’t seen the end of his celebrant career.” Cait’s students were also involved, helping her write her vows. “They’re very passionate about the equitable sharing of leftovers.”

“We forgot to get wedding bands until we had pretty much run out of money, so I sculpted a plain, melty band myself and Ben carved a signet ring under the supervision of our friend Nicole. We cast them at Regal and Nicole polished them beautifully.”

After the vows and rings, Ben and Cait surprised their parents by bowing to them. “This is a Korean tradition to acknowledge your parents' hard work in raising you well. It was very difficult to execute this tastefully in a mini skirt and we were both shaking. Petra [from Benton The Label] had made me matching satin bloomers so I didn’t flash anyone.”

Officially married, the couple walked out of the chapel to Spinning Away by Brian Eno before an unforgettable send-off on the back of Ben’s Harley. “Our friends had decorated it with a Just Married sign and tied empty Alba cans to the exhaust. It was perfect.”

For the reception party, guests headed across the road to the Pakiri Memorial Hall. “When it was time for us to enter the hall for dinner, the internet had stopped working and we couldn’t walk in to our chosen song - Funnel of Love. I think we walked in to a 50 Cent song that was saved on our groomsman’s computer,” says Kneller.

“We had our first dance to Nat King Cole’s I Don’t Want to See Tomorrow. My father-in-law sang to us in Korean, and my dad gave a hilarious, beautiful speech.”

The bridal table had chequered placemats and coasters inspired by Shrimps, lovingly crocheted by Cait’s mum. “In the last week of school before my wedding, my students made a hand-drawn placemat for every single guest. They were adorable and hilarious. We also covered the tables in lengths of calico, and left fabric markers around for guests to write us messages. One day, I will embroider these and make them into a quilt.”

Catering was simple yet delicious, with smashed burgers by Point Chev-based Jo Bros and a huge cheese table. The couple’s friend Robbie at L’alcool [a boutique liquor store on the North Shore] selected beautiful wines within their budget and even taught Cait to make margaritas on a massive scale.

“Everyone was pretty boozed after the margaritas. The next day, when we went to clean up, I realised the groomsmen had used all of the tequila and only half of the mixers.” 

Capturing the magic of the day was photographer Scott Hardy. “Ben and I had worked with him before for a campaign, and we have his portraits of us hanging in our home. We wanted to recreate the feeling of love and ease in those images. The best thing about Scott is that you feel like he is doing nothing - you never feel self-conscious in front of his camera, and every shot feels spontaneous - and yet the results are cinematically beautiful,” says Kneller. 

While the whole day was filled with sweet memories they’ll cherish forever, Kneller says planning a wedding for the first time was definitely a learning curve. “Our parents each gave us money towards the wedding. Our budget was smaller than the average wedding in Aotearoa, but we thought it was an enormous amount and we would surely have some left over for a honeymoon. We were wrong. If I was giving advice to someone on a budget, an all-expenses paid venue close to home might seem pricey at first, but if you’re having a large wedding, it will probably save you money and hair,” she says.