Longtime readers of Ensemble will know we contain multitudes. While we care deeply about politics, slow, sustainable and ethical business practices, and uplifting voices who are often marginalised and silenced, we’re also big fans of the Bravo-verse, specifically Vanderpump Rules and its spinoff series, The Valley.
The latter asks the important life question: what happens when wildly chaotic, messy party people attempt to grow up and leave West Hollywood for a life of ‘adulting’ in the Valley, the scene of many a cultural revelation like Valley Girl, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Scandoval.
Ahead of the release of The Valley season two (streaming now on Hayu), in an absolutely shocking revelation that no one saw coming – including the plastic surgeon who did all three of his noses – star Jax Taylor admitted to longtime cocaine use and entered a facility for treatment, leading many to wonder just how dark things are going to get this season.
The self-proclaimed “#1 guy in the group” has literally made a career out of lying (see: Stassi and Vegas girl, VPR season one), cheating (see: Kristen Doute, VPR season two; Faith, VPR season six) and stealing (see: arrested for stealing sunglasses in Hawaii, VPR season four, and everything he ever took home from the bar at SUR), without ever showing remorse.
Sure enough, come episode one of The Valley S2, Jax, looking as bug-eyed as ever, admits to upending a coffee table and harassing his estranged wife after finding her ‘sexy texts’ to a friend of his on the family iPad (a tale as old as time).
Do we condone Jax’s behaviour? Absolutely not. Is he wildly hypocritical for accusing his wife Brittany (they were married by Lance Bass in a castle on VPR, season eight) of cheating on him with a friend of his, after they were officially separated and after he slept with his best friend Tom Sandoval’s girlfriend (and current The Valley co-star) Kristen while they watched the film Drive on Tom’s couch (VPR, season 2)? Or when he slept with Brittany’s friend Faith in the house where she was caring for a 95-year-old woman?
Are these plots the perfect brain bath to make you feel better about your own life in 2025? 100%.
Do we feel vaguely used by participating in Jax’s redemption tour? Maybe. But honestly these answers are so genius and paint the perfect picture of his intellect. So maybe we are Jaxing Jax? Decide for yourself.
Editor's note: Jax (wisely) chose to not answer some of our regular The Last Time questions, including 'the last time you got angry', 'the last drug you took' and 'the last time you were drunk'. Wonder if this is related to the texts he was sending his publicist...
When was the last time you cried?
Watching the first episode of The Valley.
When was the last time you danced? What were you dancing to?
In the promo for The Valley. I don’t dance, so it was definitely out of my comfort zone.
The last time you cooked a meal from scratch, what did you make?
Pancakes, eggs and oatmeal. Burgers and steak too – I eat really healthy and clean.
When was the last time you had a holiday? Where did you go?
It’s been a long time since I’ve gone on a holiday. The last personal trip I took was maybe to visit my sister in Michigan last year in 2024.
What was the last thing you bought – and loved?
Portable rolling TV by LG.
What’s the last piece of clothing you bought?
Suits from State and Liberty for The Valley premiere and other work functions.
What was the last really delicious thing you ate? Where was it?
Spicy fusilli from Jon and Vinny’s.
The last book you finished?
Hahaha.
The last book you finished, and recommended to someone else?
My Us Weekly cover.
The last album you listened to the whole way through?
The last song you listened to?
Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight.
What was the last concert or show you attended?
Hall & Oates and Tears for Fears.
The last TV show you watched?
The last DM/text you sent? Who was it to?
My publicist and manager.
The last time you laughed so much your tummy hurt?
A recent conversation with Schwartz.
When’s the last time you were home?
Today.
Season two of The Valley is streaming now on Hayu, as are all 11 seasons of Vanderpump Rules. You’re welcome.
