Growing up, you are always prepared for the inevitability of moving out of home. Flying the nest, leaving your family home and paving your own way in the world. For most young people, you begin imagining your adult life, out of home, gushing with your friends about moving away for university, flat living, or traveling abroad. Despite our varying upbringings, it is for almost certain that one moves out of home at some point.

I grew up in a big Greek immigrant family who notoriously hold on to their kids living at home until they’re ready to be married off. In my case, it was considered brave to leave home at the age of 21. Now, single at 25, I have relocated further abroad, alone. My experience was similar to that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the main character, 30-year-old Toula, wants to leave home. “Why do you want to leave me?” cries her almost offensively accurate depiction of an immigrant Greek father. Although navigating the departure from family home and life can be sometimes confusing, very exciting, often difficult and always sad, it is something that you are prepared for.

The thing no one ever prepares you for is the heartbreak of moving away from your friends. The people you meet post high school, who you begin to form a sacred chosen family with. The people who have grown with you from awkward first year to fully bloomed woman. The people you call up when you need a good laugh, or cry, or fake job reference. Friends you have picked up along your intrepid journeys into adulthood, trauma bonded co-workers from that toxic retail or hospo gig, someone you met in the bathroom of a club wearing the same top as you. The people who you love because you want to, not because you have to.

At this point In my life, I have collected an amazing assortment of treasures who I get to call friends. But the truth about surrounding yourself with great and talented people is that they will lead great and exciting lives. I have friends living all over the world. From Christchurch to London, Melbourne to Amsterdam, and everywhere in between. Post-graduation, stepping into the big world of work, you find that one day, life knocks at the door - and your paths lead in different directions. But the love for our friends stays the same.

I for one understand the difficulty in nurturing those friendships when you live in opposite time zones, and have compiled a little how to guide for long distance friendships: 

Be intentional 

In order to make long distance friendships work, you really have got to make time. Schedule plans for phone calls or FaceTimes. Mark it in your calendar and have it as something to look forward to. Keep a running note in your phone of all the little funny stories you collect to talk to your bestie about. Making an effort and being intentional is a must. 

Be present

In my opinion, it's the little things that count. Try having your friend's location saved on your weather and world clock app! This gives you some connection to their everyday life, you can see if they’re having a sunny day or a rainy day, which you can relate to them about by sending them a “hope you have a lovely sunny day” text. How special.

Be creative

Change up the way you communicate. Sometimes messaging can be a little stale, so try something new! Like voice memos or letter writing. If it's hard or not your communication style to chat online or over the phone, sending a letter can be a really lovely way to keep in touch.

Be kind

Sending gifts or curating experiences can be a kind gesture that I’m sure your friend would be so grateful to receive! This can come in many forms, sending packages or arranging flower deliveries. Did you know UberEats is international and you don’t have to be in the same country as the delivery address? For my friend's birthday one year, I organised a delivery of one of her favorite restaurants so she could enjoy a meal on me.

If you can, try keeping up little traditions that you would do with them, sending them UberEats for a special occasion or even transferring a little change for a coffee on you. 

Be interested

Sometimes, you really do not have all the time in the world to chat as much as you wish you did. Just reaching out to say hello can be enough, but if you want to stay more informed on what your friends are up to, try committing to sending each other a weekly or monthly update.

Try this cute little template my friends and I use: 

What are you reading?

What are you watching?

What are you listening to?

What's on your wishlist?

Be realistic 

It's important to manage your expectations. Time zones are real and even though the world is more connected than ever, time still exists and sometimes you are rarely awake at the same time as your international bestie. Try working your comms with them into your routine.

I spoke to someone who started waking up earlier so she could have a phone call during a sunrise walk while her bestie on the other side of the world walked home from work. For both of them, this call being worked into their everyday routines helped them stay in touch consistently and effortlessly. 

Be patient 

With yourself, and your friends. While drifting apart can feel like someone’s at fault, or even make you feel like the friendship is meaningless, it's important to remember that everyone has their own lives and while it's hard to communicate or stay in touch with someone, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or keep you in their minds. The same way you get busy and fall behind on replying to messages, is the same thing that happens to your friends on the other side of the world. 

In anything you decide to do, do it with love! Real friends will be understanding and patient and supportive. Stay in touch and in love with your friends and remember that they love you too! Keep them close (metaphorically) and keep looking forward to the day you will get to dance in the sun with them again!