I love wearing shorts. I want every day to be leg day. Legs out for the [however you identify], so on and so forth. There are a few reasons for this.
Firstly, and I’ll need you to sit down to process this news, summer is hot. Pants – and I’ll use “pants” as a blanket term for any vaguely masculine piece of clothing that covers the legs – are going to make you hot in summer. Shorts (true to their name) are short and do not cover the legs, so are simply practical to wear. Pants make you hotter, shorts make you cooler (and hotter, in the way that matters, but we’ll get to that).
Secondly, shorts open up a whole new canvas on which to accessorise. That canvas being… the bottom half of your body. With shorts, you get to pick shoes and socks that match, or even clash. What could be more thrilling, I say. Genuinely! My personal favourite is a matchy-match patterned shirt-and-short combo, but your mileage may vary. It takes a very specific personality to pull off aggressive patterns, and one man’s floral print veers dangerously close to another man’s Hawaiian.
Thirdly, I’m proud of my legs. I run every day, and as a result of this and genetics, they look good! My desire to show off my legs is the equivalent of other dudes wearing shirts that show off their arms. What are legs if not the arms of the bottom half? I do not show off my arms because my arms have the level of tone, bulk and definition of a person who spends their days writing about how proud they are of their legs, and other assorted topics. You can draw your own conclusions there.
So what stops other men from wearing shorts?
There’s a few reasons I can spy with my amateur fashion historian eye, and my slightly less amateur cultural critic eye.
I’ve observed there’s a masculine desire, or at the very least a tendency, to hide our legs. We’re not taught to show them off. And while there are many things men should be insecure about (the patriarchy, mattress quality, general personal environment smells), legs aren’t one of them. For those of us who were blessed/cursed to go to a uniformed school, it might be because whoever designs school uniforms came up with the least comfortable cut and fit for every item of clothing, and shorts are no exception. Which admittedly may instil a fear of the cropped legwear into one further down the line.
For others, it might be because of the “man” uniform for adults. Unless we work in a physical context (the gayest way to say “construction”) or exist outside heteronormativity (again: gayest), this uniform is pretty well-established. It is some variation on shirts and pants: fashion as function, rather than fashion as performance. The man’s uniform says “I am like you, person who is also a man”. It is, well, uniform.
And look, this might come as a shock, but I’m gay. Gay men’s fashion, as with all men’s fashion, runs the gamut from “explosion at Geoff’s Emporium” to “enviably stylish”.
It also means, somewhat unfairly, that people are a bit more tolerant of me dressing with as much leg showing as possible; among other fashion decisions that could be more accurately referred to as “fashion misdemeanours”. I’ve also been lucky/unstable enough to have never had a job where I need to adhere to the button-up shirt and pants dress code, something which is not a blessing for my bank account, but definitely is for my presentation.
Ultimately, I think the problem is that we, as men, are not encouraged to be proud of our legs. We’re told that women’s legs are great (which they are) and something to be observed (which they can be, if the person who owns the legs desires it thus!).
Which sucks. Legs are great! They are our primary perambulators, and how often do you get a chance to use the phrase “primary perambulators”? They’re the platform for the top half of the body. And honestly, when they look good, they look great. And not just toned legs. All legs. They’re just attractive body parts, which I hope comes off more in a Freddie Mercury singing “Fat Bottomed Girls” way, and less in a “subject of a true crime podcast” way.
And the best way to show them off, which should not be a huge surprise, is to actually just show them. I’m happy to open the door (using my legs) for other men to be proud of them.
