Most of us have mixed feelings when it comes to hitting the mall or high street. Frantic, fun or futile: the physical act of shopping can be fraught or thrilling, depending on the store. But whatever you think about current trends and the latest collections, it’s not always the clothes themselves that shape our retail experience. How you view your body is one of the most important factors in determining what and where you buy.

According to a recent literature review by academics in New Zealand, “body dissatisfaction can be seen as almost normative among young women and, increasingly, young men.” And it’s not just young people – or cis people – who are suffering: it’s hard to find a group that isn’t being hampered by aesthetic ideals, a lack of appropriate healthcare, and/or a crisis of self-worth.

‘Body image’ refers to the thoughts and feelings we have about our physical appearance. Positive body image means we’re able to “accept, appreciate and respect” our body, according to the Australian National Eating Disorders Collaboration; negative body image means these things are out of reach.

Body dissatisfaction is defined as “persistent negative thoughts and feelings” about one’s body. The fact that this is becoming “almost normative” speaks volumes about the problems with contemporary society.

Professor Gemma Sharp leads the Body Image & Eating Disorders Research Program at the University of Queensland. She says shopping is often listed as a source of anxiety among her patients and research participants.

“People will often talk about shopping being one of the scariest things that they have to do,” says Gemma, “particularly going into a store.”

From callous lighting to monstrous mirrors, fitting rooms are known for being curiously awful places. That’s why retail staff have a crucial role to play in helping customers feel better, while balancing the pressures they are under to make sales. In Gemma’s view, it’s all about being kind and considerate.

“I think you can make an assumption that most people are probably not loving the experience. Go in with an attitude of kindness – and of course if someone's having a great time, that attitude can only help,” she says.

As anyone working in retail can attest to, good customer service is a complex skill to master, and one that’s under heightened scrutiny as shops work ever harder to survive the economic crunch. With all the balls that sales assistants have to juggle, is it really fair to think that they should also be prepared to offer mental health support?

“I don't think it's up to retail workers to cure body image,” says Gemma. “Even researchers and clinicians who've been working on it for decades don't have all the solutions.”

But chances are, these staff encounter body image issues on a regular basis. What, if anything, can a sales assistant do when a customer is critical of their own body in the fitting room?

“Probably nothing you say is going to radically change how [a customer] feels in that moment,” says Gemma. But how you handle sizing for these customers is key.

“Knocking on the door and going, ‘Are you all right? Do you need another size?’ can make someone feel even more anxious. Why not have the customer go in with multiple sizes to begin with?,” she suggests.

Many of the people Gemma hears from say they feel excluded by some brands because of sizing, as well as the way the clothes are modelled and marketed online. One brand that is acutely aware of the need for inclusivity is Ruby, whose clothing comes in sizes 4 to 24.

Ruby’s general manager Emily Miller-Sharma says this reflects their ethical ethos. “Ensuring that we have the best representation – or better representation – is really important. We exist in society and we are also here to change it,” she says.

Emily is honest about the challenges this raises for the business, from finding enough models to balancing stock across their eight retail stores. To make it sustainable, Ruby has made their inclusive approach a core part of their financial strategy.

“Making it core to the business success is integral to being successful in changing the societal narrative around bodies,” she tells me. “It is genuinely really hard to do a good job across such a broad size range. We do a lot of fit and wear testing in-house, but there is nothing like the information that you get back once a product has gone into store.”

Ruby general manager with Newmarket model and writer Kaarina Parker and former Newmarket assistant manager Catherine Steiner, at a 2023 in-store event focusing on sizing. Photo / Supplied

Gathering that information is one of the many roles of their retail workers. Ruby invests in regular staff training to “ensure a feeling of safety” for their customers.

“Any person that comes into a Ruby store comes with a history: a set of experiences and expectations, how they feel that day, or how they feel more broadly about themselves,” Emily acknowledges. “Just an awareness of that I think is incredibly valuable,” she says.

“We'll often ask people to come and talk about their experiences as a customer as part of our retail training. And what's consistent in my experience when I listen to these people's stories – people who are maybe a size 20 or a size 14 – is they've had really poor customer experience where they've been made to feel their body is wrong.”

That’s why Emily says their approach is all about connecting with and listening to their customers, including the words they use to describe the clothes they’re looking for.

“Some people do not like the word flattering, for example: it gives them the major heebie-jeebies. If we were to give a rule, the rule is to follow what the customer says.”

Thom Sussex of the menswear brand Thom Morrison (which sadly recently announced it was closing at the end of April) sees confidence as the key issue facing Kiwi men when it comes to clothing.

“I feel like generally guys don't enjoy the shopping experience,” he tells me. “They lack confidence in what they think looks good. Millennials in particular don't like to try something on if they didn't know that it’s going to work. They're so unsure about how something is supposed to look that they think everything looks wrong.”

Much of this comes down to the fact that men don’t tend to shop together, and Thom thinks that many don’t feel comfortable expressing an interest in their clothes.

“The majority of guys don't rally around clothes with their mates,” he points out. “Seeing my wife interact with her friends… they kind of hype each other up.”

For men, one of the common concerns around body image is their height, as well as their muscles. As the patternmaker for his brand, Thom would think carefully about how to make sure his clothes worked for a wide range of customers.

When it comes to improving the relationship between retail and body image, Gemma says there’s clearly a need for more research to be done in this space. Fortunately, it’s not all negative for her patients.

“Feeling more comfortable in clothing and people having pride in their appearance is a huge part of recovery in an eating disorder context,” she says.

This sentiment is shared by the US National Eating Disorders Association. According to their 10-step guide to positive body image, wearing clothes that are “comfortable” and that “make you feel good about your body” can help foster healthier ways of looking at yourself.

Of course, there’s only so much we can do to change our own minds on these issues when there are significantly larger forces at play. Whatever you think about the role of fashion in creating – or perpetuating – harmful beauty standards, perhaps the fitting room can become a quiet haven for those of us who need a bloody rest and a dose of camaraderie.

Where to get help:

If you would like to speak with an expert about anything you are struggling with relating to body image, you should consult your GP, or you can confidentially contact the Mental Health Foundation, or free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.

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