Johanna Cosgrove and Samuel Te Kani, Karangahape Road’s most iconic duo, have joined forces to bring you the funniest podcast of the summer… if not the millenia. It’s a self described “ode to delusional city dwellers everywhere” and very aptly named Rats in the Gutter.
Both individually renowned and award winning writers/artists/comedians/it girls in their own right, Te Kani and Cosgrove are the shrill besties you fondly remember through the hangover for shrieking affirmations at you in the club toilets at 3am.
Under the producing expertise of Tim Batt and with sound design by musical wunderkind Polly Hill, Rats in the Gutter brings “a much needed New Zealand freshness to the vital tradition of self-important femmes claiming as much space for themselves in a city where not having a trust fund is a death sentence”.
Working with your friends can be fraught at the best of times – add a pandemic, arts funding cuts and the cost of living crisis into the mix, and it’s a hellscape. But in the spirit of ‘keeping it light’, Te Kani and Cosgrove were asked (separately) the 10 things they loved most about each other and their work.
Why make a podcast with your best girl?
Sam: In lieu of a better offer, and until a titled aristocrat or cashed-up oil sheikh makes me his spoiled concubine, I’m committed to the hustle. I also love the sound of my own voice, as does Johanna, so podcasting is a no brainer.
Johanna: It seemed like the natural segue for two fame-hungry talented multi-hyphenates – take our hysterical screeching and monetise it*!
*We are yet to make any money from this podcast. Open to all sponsorship opportunities.
Most cursed memory together?
Sam: Crying in Wine Cellar while intermittently looking over each other’s shoulders in the mirror to make sure we still looked good.
Johanna: Crashing a party at a multi-million dollar mansion with a cheap bottle of tequila (Sam was wearing a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crop top) only to be told there was an open bar resplendent with a bar-tender which we took full advantage of. We promptly dominated the guests' conversations, took over the music, howled profanities and damaged the smart-bidet.
What’s something people need to know about the other?
Sam: Johanna’s infernal ambition is matched only by her compassion. Also she’s allergic to the sulphur in eggs. Maybe because she’s already such a sulphurous gal.
Johanna: Samuel hates summer – between the months of November and March, his hay fever makes life unbearable. He is also as kind as he is hot and charismatic. If you are lucky enough to be in Samuel’s inner circle, you’re truly, madly and deeply blessed.
Funniest memory together?
Sam: Also, crying in Wine Cellar while intermittently looking over each other’s shoulders in the mirror to make sure we still looked good. I mean three drinks in and we think we’re the funniest girls to have ever walked the earth, so it’s difficult to isolate one single instant.
Johanna: No one makes me scream-cry with laughter like Sam – he basically saved my mental health over the duration of Auckland’s 100 day lockdown. Maybe when I forgot the words to Video Games by Lana Del Ray at Saloon Bar and Sam booed me off the stage. Or when I was sad/sulky/unhinged because I didn’t get nominated for a Billy T Award and Sam came and sat on the deck and told the most hideous wicked jokes until I almost pissed myself. The list goes on!
What’s their greatest creative achievement to date?
Sam: I mean, Johanna self published a book of poetry last year [Crying on the Phone], is currently writing for television, and toured internationally with a one woman show not so long ago with tentative plans for something similar in the future. Take your pick.
Johanna: Sam’s current project (redacted) is so exciting, I can’t wait for him to legally be able to share it. Aside from that, the man wrote 10,000 words a day of personalised erotic fiction, was a video journalist for Vice and published one of the best books of 2021. What can’t he do?
What’s something the other sees/upholds that no one else does?
Sam: A reverence for conflict as a fundamental necessity, almost an art form in itself. I mean, we both have strong Aries placements.
Johanna: Sam’s curiosity and empathy never ceases to amaze me. Also he’s so refreshingly and gorgeously comfortable with anger - rage is in this year girls, tell everyone!
What is your biggest difference?
Sam: Racial? Also, our taste in men is slightly varied. She likes men with power whereas I like a lame duck (not exclusively but it’s a definite pattern).
Johanna: Sam is a natural academic while I literally went to clown school. He loves horror-films and video games and I’m too scared of one and too bored of the other.
What do you love most about the other?
Sam: Johanna’s athletic approach to revenge as a contact sport, the fact that she has an unshakable conviction in herself and whatever she’s choosing to do in the moment, and her transparently amoral vanity which to me is completely relatable and essential.
Johanna: Sam’s generosity, his fierce intellect and the unswaying dedication to the things he loves. Also his deep tongue in cheek irreverence combined with complete understanding.
What did you learn about each other through making the podcast?
Sam: Nothing new to be honest. We recycle our bullshit like zealous eco-fascists.
Johanna: Nothing – in the best way.
What’s the best thing about working together?
Sam: Being together. It’s a rare thing when you find someone whose vision for themselves compliments yours, especially sans the bullshit of romantic entanglement etc. Basically we feed each other’s delusions until they become reality. It’s pure sycophantic alchemy. Just delicious!
Johanna: I don’t think either of us could believe how easeful this process was/is. Sublime. 10/10 – no notes.
